The Coastal Post - August, 1998

Sex, Sex, Sex, Sells, Sells, Sells

BY STEPHEN SIMAC

A recent survey found that 60% of all internet searches included the key word sex. "Bianca's Smut Shack" gets 80,000 hits a day, with no intellectual content. The Coastal Post doesn't get many hits on our website, but we thought this headline might change that. It's actually an article about the budget-wait, come back, there is sex to come, after a few numbers.

It's about the Coastal Post's budget. Or lack of one. The send-a-dollar thing is cute, so keep 'em coming, but a buck doesn't go far these days. It's gotten so bad, the boss is playing the lottery, claiming if he wins he'll start paying the writers a decent wage. I say, go to Reno, the odds are better.

The internet is a vast new marketplace, but sex is the main thing people are buying on it, or at least substitutes for sex. The Coastal Post isn't a substitute for sex, but maybe when sex searches hit the Post, they'll keep reading and subscribe because of our intellectual content. We may have to offer virtual sex chat rooms to keep them glued in.

You don't need to agree with or even read everything we print, but the Coastal Post is a treasure of diverse viewpoints. Freedom of speech and of the press means nothing to the media monopolies today except more profits and power. We possess neither, but aim to inform, entertain, stir up debate and say what no one else will. That alone is worth the price of admission.

Now for the SEX. Biologically speaking, humans are among the most sexual of all creatures on this planet. Dolphins and bonobo chimpanzees rival our obsession, but they've never built civilizations out of sublimating their sexual drive like humans have.

Most people are obsessed with sex, either approving or disapproving of it. The internet searchers are hoping to find something they approve if, while the feds are passing laws to "keep our children safe from sex on the internet."

Unfortunately for the legislators, kids are into actual sex, while adults are more attracted to virtual sex. That's understandable, because as you get older, sex becomes more and more a spectator sport.

Even with Viagra, we're all pumped up with nowhere to come. Let's face it, if you're in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you're probably not getting any. One-third of married couples don't even have sex on their wedding night, and it goes downhill from then. Especially if you have kids.

Everyone tells surveyors they do it three times a week, but that's their fantasies. If you're single, you sleep alone most of the time. If a guy gets lucky, then the Date Police come looking for him.

The only people who are actually having sex are teenagers, meeting each other through the internet. Rational adults have been scared off actual sex by the AIDS hysteria, thus are searching the internet for anything to stimulate their voracious sublimation.

Orgasm has been shown to improve the immune system and overall health. An apple a day after sex keeps the doctor away. Yet we've been saddled with guilt, shame and fear around sex, mostly by religions doing God's Work, promoting frustration, addiction and really kinky stuff. This helps create a huge market for sex or substitutes, including advertising and the media which uses sex or the promise of sex to sell everything.

The Coastal Post is not sure how to make sex pay for production costs and writers' wages. It's a sordid world, and many people don't really care about the environment, politics and health issues the Post has been covering. It's hard to get people to care about these issues, unless it's going to get them laid.

We thought maybe we'd hold a lottery, the winner can have virtual sex with the Coastal Poster of their choice in our virtual chat room. Send a dollar for your chance.

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