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MARIN COUNTY'S NEWS MONTHLY - FREE PRESS
(415)868-1600 - (415)868-0502(fax) - P.O. Box 31, Bolinas, CA, 94924

July, 2005

Two Bad Ideas
By Harry Holdorf

The first one was taking Goobie to the Beaglefest last Saturday at the dog park in Sausalito. Having two hundred beagles hanging around together with their owners in one place didn't produce any human's desired effect. A Best Beagle vote would have produced 200 winners with one vote each. Everyone truly loves their own dog, and seeing two hundred of them together seriously diminishes your own dog. Seeing them all together destroys their uniqueness, making all look about the same.
People standing around at dog parks basically don't come off that well either, not nearly as well as their canine companions. The group picture wasn't really a group picture, with all the dogs being restrained from hurrying off in all directions, and the owners completely un-together and diverse, appearing as a tightly-wound spring ready to be released. As a whole, we're rather solitary beings, who'd much prefer being at home in our living rooms, hanging with our dogs, than assembled at any sort of social gathering. In fact, during the two hours, I talked to absolutely no one, except this one lady who's beagle Goobie spent five or ten minutes intently sniffing. And our conversation was extremely short: 'Name of your dog, why are they doing that.'
Goobie definitely had fun, but it was more of a work-a-day, lots of sniffing and running around sort of fun than a party situation. There has yet to have been a dog caught smiling.
Falling for the Beaglefest idea reminded me of going for the really stupid idea of 'Cutting a hole in a gas can and using it as a suitcase for easier hitch-hiking', which ended up in a couple of really short rides with increasingly disgruntled drivers, and me throwing the gas can in the bushes. Beagles aren't German, but 'fest' reminds me of 'bratwurst', or 'worst' idea around. The eighty mile round trip to Sausalito was indeed a wasted drive, the act of which made me a bit nauseous, dizzy, and not knowing whether it was my aged dizziness, or, more directly, the exhaust drifting up from my tail pipe.
Which is the second really bad idea: living with the exhaust from our tail pipes. Creating massive amounts of exhaust, and then trying to continually outrun it. It's JD's old line: 'You can poop in you nest for so long, before you're nesting in your poop.' Whoever it was among us who, as a group, allowed advertisers to drop the mileage ratings from their ads, this is our currently great and truly terrible idea. The U.S. building of bigger vehicles and the buying and driving of them because they're safer and we can make more money selling them to ourselves, this is all terrible, and is actually threatening to bring us all down. It's our current inCARnation of the real and actual devil. Who woulda thought that we could match the pure environmental evil of the great finned fifties showboats, fifty years later with SUVs?
Why does evil keep repeating itself? Are we actually going to continue this madness before absolutely doing ourselves in? Are the evangel Christians right is this the End Age?


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