Coastal Post Online


November, 2002

Extra Biscuits, Extra Crispy KFC
Stoned Chicken Fans Lose In Mill Valley
By Stephen Simac

The drive thru at the KFC in Mill Valley seemed much busier than that fast food chain's fried chicken outlets elsewhere. It turns out it wasn't the biscuits, but the "extra biscuits" that were drawing the traffic.

The stoner behind the drive thru counter was killing two fried birds with one bag. Evidently marijuana was being sold to drivers in the know who asked for "extra biscuits" with their "extra crispy" thighs and legs.

Carlos Ayela, the entrepreneur behind the KFC drive thru sales was busted recently by the Marin Major Crime Task Force for selling baggies of pot to anyone who ordered with those code words. Lt. Rick Russel of the sheriff's dept. reportedly said he was selling herbage to "anyone who used the correct verbiage." No need for correct grammar.

If sheriff's reports can be relied upon he was turned in by an irate customer who really wanted extra biscuits and was upset to find two baggies of pot packaged with his or her greasy chicken.

It's unlikely that ganja was handed over without a significant exchange of green first. More likely it was an irate customer who wasn't happy with the quality or quantity of the "biscuits" or a pissed off girlfriend who turned him into the Mill Valley police.

They notified the task force which went to the KFC near Tam High School and made "biscuit" buys and ate chicken for nearly a month before arresting Carlos on his way to work. Afterwards off to find a donut shop.

Now imagine the consternation at KFC, which used to be called Kentucky Fried Chicken, (until they began serving genetically modified critters that "taste just like chicken" but are far cheaper, according to an Internet rumor). The Marketing department recognized the genius of this low paid wage slave who had single-handedly increased sales by an eighth or more.

Not only were extra customers generated by "extra biscuits" but extra buckets were being sold to those same customers with the marijuana munchies.

Jim Nicol, a regional KFC manager reportedly said "We'll do a full investigation, find out what's cooking and fix it." They must be wondering if they can duplicate it by adding cannabis to their secret spices. More likely they will have to rely on the entrepreneurial initiative of their workers trying to supplement their incomes. After all the drive thru attendant wasn't making enough to even afford to live in Marin. He had to commute from Vallejo.

This kid is probably facing some hard time unless he can claim that he was dealing "medical marijuana." He's got a chance if he points out he was supplying his "patients" with dyspepsia, the recognized calmative effect of cannabis on an upset stomach. There's nothing like fast food to cause this bilious stomach upset, with or without Pepsi and nothing like pot to cure it.

The Task Force made a big deal out of these sales because the KFC was so near a high school, endangering our youth who were getting "extra crispy" during lunch hour. Considering the epidemic of obesity in America's teens the real danger to their health is the fast food outlet itself, not the "extra biscuits." Cannabis for all the propaganda by drug liars is the least harmful of all intoxicating substances on the planet.

Carlos of KFC may have to flee to our neighboring state for refuge. Nevada is voting whether to legalize 3 ounces of marijuana for adults, and allow it to be sold and taxed. An independent study predicted it would raise $28 million in taxes for Nevada every year, while reducing police time spent prosecuting cannabis possession and legal expenditures by thousand of hours and millions of dollars.

Naturally most police and legal officials are outraged, the federal drug czar has visited Nevada regularly to preach against it and editorials are claiming that it will ruin Nevada's reputation as a family destination. As if it had one.

If Nevada leads other states will follow. Three out of four states are looking at billions of dollars in budget deficits this year. Remember Nevada attracted tourists and taxes with legalized gambling for decades until now you can buy a " lucky scratcher" in even the most Puritan of states. It brought them in with easy divorces but now "no fault dissolutions" can be had in the Bible belt states. Nevada is still the only state with legalized prostitution, but with escort services in every yellow pages it might as well be legal, except it's not taxed.


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