This is a spoof about the inevitable end of ranching as we know it. Some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
It all started in the early seventies when Stupevisor King Kwazi I took over District Four in Peacock County. The decree came forth that all ranchlands zoned A-2 (2-acres per house) would become A-60 (60-acres per house). There was no "taking" law back then to protect the ranchers from having their land devaluated. Now, if the County, State, or Feds devaluate the land by rezoning, the land-use rights or the taking away of anything which was in place by law, the landowners must be compensated for their loss.
Needless to say the ranchers were very angry, including the relatives of King Kwazi.
That was the first blow that befell the ranchers and for many years they harbored deep frustration over the fact that they were not compensated at all.
You can understand how it would feel if you purchased a 3-acre lot with the law stating at the time of purchase that you had every right to build a house on each acre. Then you wake up one morning and find out that King Kwazi took away all your land rights and devalued your property without compensation or to resell it and recover your money that you purchased it with because who's going to buy a piece of property that's useless.
And why the rancher needs to retain the value of the land isn't because of development but rather to keep the ranch viable. When the rancher needs a new barn, livestock replacement, fencing, housing for ranch workers and the grown-up children who are the mainstay of the ranch, the rancher goes to the bank for a loan.
The more the rancher's land is devalued, the less he can borrow, until finally the rancher can't make a go of it.
The dilemma got worse as time passed. King Kwazi II took over the district and instead of incentives to keep ranching alive and well, he proclaimed more restrictions and taking of land use rights. Even though some crumbs were given out, the whole pie was disappearing and the ranchers started revolting. (This is when the spoof begins and absurdity takes over. Please keep your sense of humor as even though there's a lot of truth behind the scenario, the rest is definite chicanery and hallucination.)
The ranchers attended meetings so much to try and protect their ranches that they were too weary to tend to chores and when they attended meetings they are listened to politely and then the hammer would fall on all of their pleas and cries for justice.
The ranches that had trails cut through them with John Q. Public trespassing through their land at any time with their garbage, dogs, horses and ill-behaved children, finally could not obtain insurance because of the liability. And nobody would buy the ranches because of it.
Then the most devastating blow of all befell the ranchers when the relatively "new" oyster growers started crying about their winter closures when the winter storms come. They have to close for a period of time. They signed up for the closures when they signed their leases on the bay. Recently they have pushed for less closures. So the State Water Control Board out of San Francisco, in all of its infinite wisdom, declared Tomales Bay "impaired."
Just the year before the bay was described as the most pristine in California. Now, the state wanted to spend $75 million on the bay and charge the ranchers and stakeholders for the bill.
I think that the oyster growers should pay for the cleanup since they caused the hullabaloo and will reap the benefit of not closing as much during the winter.
Without DNA testing to target the sources of pollution, they are punching at shadows and I believe wholeheartedly that if the oyster growers want to benefit from this dilemma they put agriculture in, they should pay for the DNA testing to target the polluters.
Well, as life went on for the befuddled and beleaguered ranchers, they finally gave up the ghost. They became totally tired from running around their ranches trying to keep up with changing cow diapers three times a day to keep any little speck of manure from landing on their pastures so the Manure Police from the state wouldn't bust them. But then the giant diapers became a problem because even though they were recyclable, they mounted up and became a mountain of meadow muffins.
Well, the Good Lord finally took pity on the ranchers. They and their families gathered on the top of Black Mountain and were raptured up to heaven.
King Kwazi II decided since the land was unoccupied by ranchers, that he would invent a "rancher robot" which would handle agriculture.
Once in a while the robots wires would get crossed and they would do bizarre things like milking horses and trying to castrate heifers instead of young males. But the biggest mistake was when Chief Robot Ernest landed a huge transport plane and filled it with meadow muffins to haul away. Will damned if the plane didn't crash right into Tomales Bay with all aboard including the Chief Robot.
The crash created a major spillage and the oyster growers ran for the hills and the worms dug in ernest. I guess all's well that ends well.

PS All I can say to my fellow ranchers is life's a bitch and then she has puppies.